Purim

Nudge The Rabbi

The Color of HeavenArtscroll

Nudge the Rabbi

Purim 5757; Issue #2

Contents:
  • A Treif Question
  • Stump The Rabbi
  • Now Really
  • Bittle Riddle

  • A Treif Question

    Contents

    Oy Chin Horrorshow wrote:

    Dear Rabbi,

    My second cousin is married to a feminist Buddhist monk who converted to Judaism in a Humanist shul and following her conversion she joined a radical feminist Orthodox prayer group in the basement of a Dutch Anabaptist Church that also hosts a witches' coven regularly, and therefore the room is covered with pagan and satanic designs, which she incorporated into a challah cover design that she gave me as a gift to thank me for having them for Shabbos next week when she and my second cousin are coming next Shabbos together with their pedigree Rottweiller who can only eat rare warm Hippo steak and I was wondering how to keep it warm without making my stove treif?


    Dear Oy Chin:

    Use very heavy duty tin foil. Very heavy duty.

    Sources:

    • 'Diesel Engines and Their Impact on 19th Century Yugoslavian Dance; p. 987, footnote 51; Harcourt, Brace, & Yovonavitch

    Stump The Rabbi

    Contents

    Arthur Quibblestein wrote:

    Dear Rabbi,

    What is the capital of North Dakota? Which way does water go down drains in Australia? Do penguins have knees? Do chickens have lips? If you are driving at the speed of light and turn on your headlights will it help? What do you add to dehydrated water? How did Hume's logical positivism influence Marx's dialectic materialism, how are both their philosophies affected by Shroedinger's conceptualization of the observer's influence on experimental outcomes?


    Dear Arthur Quibblestein,

    Bismarck, left, yes, no, it wouldn't hurt, desalinized salt, absolutely.


    Now Really

    Contents

    Anglebarth Morphous <amorphous@compusquirt.com> wrote:

    Dear Rabbi,

    I have a 500-dollar wager riding on the answer to the following question, so please answer honestly. Are the questions published in 'NUDGE the RABBI' for real, written by sincere seekers of halachic clarity? Or are they fake, cultivated like a virus in the fertile petri dish of your imagination? Your speedy reply would be appreciated, because I need to know if I won the bet or not so I can report the earnings to the Internal Revenue Service before tax day, April 15th.

    Earnestly,

    Anglebarth Morphous


    Dear A. Morphous,

    The questions published in NUDGE the RABBI are all legitimate, true and authentic. Every single question is one hundred per cent genuine. There's not a fake one in the bunch. We don't make up any of them. Really. Honest.

    Sources:

    • Ripley's Believe It or Not

    Bittle Riddle

    Contents

    Question: What's holier than the Torah, dead people eat it, and if live people eat it they'll die?

    Posed by Shmuel Bendel

    Answer: (Scroll down to the last line of this file)

















    Answer to Yiddle Riddle: Nothing

    © 1995-2014 Ohr Somayach International - All rights reserved.

    Articles may be distributed to another person intact without prior permission. We also encourage you to include this material in other publications, such as synagogue or school newsletters. Hardcopy or electronic. However, we ask that you contact us beforehand for permission in advance at ohr@ohr.edu and credit for the source as Ohr Somayach Institutions www.ohr.edu

    « Back to Purim

    Ohr Somayach International is a 501c3 not-for-profit corporation (letter on file) and your donation is tax deductable.