Ethics

For the week ending 20 November 2004 / 7 Kislev 5765

The Uninvited Guest

by Rabbi Mendel Weinbach zt'l
Become a Supporter Library Library

Question: I received an invitation to the wedding of a good friend and naively assumed that I was also being invited to the meal following the chupa. Upon arrival at the wedding hall I discovered that there was no place card for me and learned from another guest that only those whose invitations included response cards were invited to the meal. I had made a great effort to come to this wedding and I was anxious to fulfill the mitzvah of bringing simcha to the chatan and kallah when they made their appearance during the meal. But I also did not wish to be an unwanted guest. What was the right thing to do?

Answer: Your first reaction in such a situation should be to give the wedding host the benefit of the doubt by assuming that some oversight was responsible for your invitation from such a good friend failing to include a response card. If it was indeed an oversight your host is probably wondering why such a good friend failed to respond.

The only way out of such a "Catch-22" dilemma is to approach the host with a hearty "Mazal Tov" and an apology for not being able to remain for the meal because of conflicting obligations. If the reaction is a plea for you to stay, then you can consider taking the place of someone who did not show up. The absence of such a plea should be seen as a sign that there was no oversight and you must content yourself with the fact that you brought simcha to the chatan and kallah simply by attending their chupa.

© 1995-2024 Ohr Somayach International - All rights reserved.

Articles may be distributed to another person intact without prior permission. We also encourage you to include this material in other publications, such as synagogue or school newsletters. Hardcopy or electronic. However, we ask that you contact us beforehand for permission in advance at ohr@ohr.edu and credit for the source as Ohr Somayach Institutions www.ohr.edu

« Back to Ethics

Ohr Somayach International is a 501c3 not-for-profit corporation (letter on file) EIN 13-3503155 and your donation is tax deductable.