Purim

Awful Purim Jokes

The Color of HeavenArtscroll

Yankele: "Look at that bunch of cows!"

Moshele: "Not bunch, herd!"

Yankele: "Herd what?"

Moshele: "Of cows."

Yankele: "Heard of cows? Of course I've heard of cows!!"

Abba: "Shmuli, please can you have a look at the left turn signal on the car and tell me if it is working or not?"

Shmuli: "Of course I can, Abba. Yes ... no ... yes ... no ... yes ..."

Avraham: "Waiter, waiter! I'm in a hurry, will my Matzah be long?"

Waiter: "No sir, it will be square!!"

Chaim: "Doctor, doctor I think I'm shrinking!"

Doctor: "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient!!"

Shimon: "Rebbe, I've finished the exam."

Rebbe: "Good. Did the questions give you any trouble?"

Shimon: "No. But some of the answers did!!"

With today's rapid advance in technology, we thought it important to bring to our readers' attention some new engineering conversions:

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1bananosecond

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer: 1 lite-year

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line.
(think about it for a moment)

1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake

1 million microphones: 1 megaphone

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen

2 monograms: 1 diagram

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbird

Thanks to Charles Plost


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