Ethics

For the week ending 3 February 2007 / 15 Shevat 5767

A Dating Dilemma

by Rabbi Mendel Weinbach zt'l
The Color of HeavenArtscroll

Question: I was recently introduced to a fine young man by a matchmaker and we spent a couple of hours together in the hope of discovering whether we were compatible for marriage. There was something about this fellow that turned me off, but I had the impression that he was rather comfortable with me. I dread the thought of having him call me and my being forced to give an excuse for not meeting him again. What is the right thing to do?

Answer: The easiest way for you to escape this dilemma and the kindest thing you can do for the fellow involved is to quickly contact your matchmaker and ask her to call it off. Be certain to tell her that you two were simply not compatible and to convey this to the fellow along with firm advice not to try calling you.

Although you may be pressed by the matchmaker to be more specific on the grounds that she needs information about the fellow to help find a more suitable girl, you must avoid stressing more than your incompatibility. Anything more than that may very well come under the category of forbidden speech. It may also brand you as being critical and discourage people from suggesting matches.

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