Ask The Rabbi
16 November 1996
Issue #126 (Parshas Toldos)
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This Issue Contains:
1.  Tombstone, Costa Rica
2.  Picking Up Where We Left Off
3.  New Yiddle Riddle
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Gabriel Dalfin <dalfin@sol.racsa.co.cr>  wrote:

>Hi.  The custom in my country is that when a person dies, the inscription
>on the matzeiva (grave stone) is written in Hebrew and Spanish.  I've
>heard that you can only write in Hebrew on a matzeiva.  Should we follow
>the custom of our country, or only write in Hebrew?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Gabriel,

The universal custom of building a matzeiva over a grave dates back at
least as far as Jacob:  "And Jacob erected a monument on her grave; this is
Rachel's Tomb, a monument till today." (Genesis 35:20)  Another famous
matzeiva is Absalom's Pillar, which we here in Jerusalem can see from the
window of the bus on the way to the Western Wall.

To answer your question, we need to understand some of the reasons for a
matzeiva:

1.  To show that someone is buried there, so people will avoid passing over
    the grave and becoming spiritually impure.  This was especially
    important in Temple times, when purity and impurity had many halachic
    applications in everyday life.  Some authorities maintain that for this
    reason, a matzeiva is virtually a Biblical command.
2.  To show respect for the departed, especially a parent.  Kabbalisticly,
    it benefits the soul, giving it a place -- an address, so to speak.
3.  To glorify the name of the deceased and perpetuate it.

Concerning the lettering, one should use Hebrew only.  Hebrew is the Holy
Language.  It's the language of the Torah and the language with which the
world was created.  Since the matzeiva shows respect for the soul of the
departed, it's proper to use Hebrew, since it has this spiritual component.

In deference to local custom, however, you can write something in Spanish,
too.  I suggest that the Hebrew inscription be more prominent than the
Spanish.  If at all possible, use only the Jewish date of death (and birth,
if included), and not the secular date.

In any case, the matzeiva shouldn't be gaudy or ostentatious.  Rather, it
should conform to the average matzeiva in the community.  The Chafetz Chaim
writes that rather than buying an elaborate monument, children wishing to
perpetuate their parents' names and benefit their souls would do much
better donating the extra money to a charity which helps people do mitzvot
and study Torah.

Sources:
o  Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 348:2, 364:1 Rama ad loc.
O  Gesher Hachaim 2:25
o  Tractate Kiddushin 32a
o  Iggrot Moshe , Yoreh Deah III:154.3
o  Kol Bo Aveilut
o  Ahavat Chesed 11:15 - footnote ad loc.

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Clarification:  In `Ask the Rabbi' for Parshat Noach (Issue #122) we asked
this YIDDLE RIDDLE:

"On Tisha B'Av morning, we sit on the floor as a sign of mourning.
However, one person in every synagogue publicly sits down on a chair.  Who
is this person?"

Our answer:  The person honored with `hagbah' -- lifting the Torah after it
is read.  This person lifts the Torah from the `bima' and sits with it in a
chair.

As pointed out by David Adatto <aj563@lafn.org> and others, this is true
only in Ashkenazic synagogues.  According to the widespread Sefardic
custom, nobody sits down with the Torah; rather, the Torah scroll remains
on the bima.

True Story:  A certain person claimed that his father's departed soul
returned to this world every Shabbat, and attended synagogue services.
Week after week, he would call his father to the Torah, listening
attentively to what he claimed was the faint sound of his father's
blessing.

When word of this reached the ears of Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetsky, zatzal, he
smiled and said, "Next week, tell him to give his father hagbah."

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Yiddle Riddle
Which weekly Parsha is never read (outside of Israel) on Shabbat afternoon.
(Thanks to MOSHEEMES@aol.com)
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