Ask The Rabbi 
16 January 1999
Issue #222
Parshat Vaera
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This publication is available in HTML format at 
http://www.ohr.org.il/ask/ask222.htm 
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Researched at Ohr Somayach, Jerusalem 
This Issue Contains: 
1. Grave Gravel	4. Appraising Praise
2. Shaky Salute	5. Yiddle Riddle
3. Only Sixteen	6. Public Domain
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____Grave Gravel___

Eytan M. Rodin from St. Louis, MO <ytan@iqtech.com> wrote:

Dear Rabbi,

What is the significance behind the fact that we put stones on graves that 
we visit?  I've always done it, but never understood what this represents.  
I know that rather than flowers, we are supposed to give money to tzedaka 
(charity), which makes sense.  It's the stones that puzzle me.

Cosette Sullivan from San Angelo, Texas <zehava3@airmail.net> wrote:

Dear Rabbi,

Shalom.  I've been asked why Jews place rocks on graves...I don't know! 
Will you please give me the answer?

************

Dear Eytan M. Rodin and Cosette Sullivan,

	A very early reference to this custom is found in a commentary to the 
Shulchan Aruch, written by Rav Yehuda Ashkenazi (early 1700s) called the 
B'er Heitev.  He quotes the Maharash, who explains that the custom of 
placing stones or tufts of grass on the grave is for the honor of the 
deceased person by marking the fact that his grave has been visited.

	Once, when I was touring the Mount of Olives cemetery, my Yerushalmi 
tour guide told me the following story, a story that purports to explain 
this custom:

	Sometime during the Turkish occupation of Israel, on a Shabbat, an 
Arab was murdered in Jerusalem.  Quickly, the rumor spread that he was 
killed by a Jew, and an immediate expulsion order was declared.  The Jews 
of Jerusalem had to pick themselves up and leave or be killed.  A noted 
kabbalist (mystic) came upon the scene of the crime, which was crowded with 
Arab onlookers.  Even though it was Shabbat, the kabbalist wrote one of G-
d's names on a piece of paper and placed it upon the body of the dead man.  
The dead man rose and pointed to one of the Arabs standing in the crowd who 
became violently afraid and admitted that he had done the killing.  The 
expulsion order was rescinded.

	Shortly afterwards the kabbalist, who was an elderly man, approached 
the chevra kadisha (burial society) and asked that his tombstone be pelted 
with stones after his death because he had written during Shabbat.  He 
understood that due to the danger to life he had been permitted to 
desecrate the Shabbat, but he felt that some form of repentance was in 
order nevertheless.  Stoning his grave would symbolize the stoning penalty 
meted out to Shabbat desecraters.  At first the chevra kadisha refused 
because of the implied dishonor the stoning would represent to so righteous 
a Jew, but the kabbalist persisted.  Finally, they agreed to place stones 
on his grave, but only if they would institute the custom that all graves 
would have stones placed on them in the future.  If stones were place on 
everyone's grave, it would not be a dishonor to the kabbalist.  From then 
on, stones were placed on the graves of all Jews buried in Jerusalem, and 
from Jerusalem the custom spread, and today Jews all over the world place 
stones on tombstones when visiting a grave.

	This may not be the actual source of the custom, but it's an 
interesting story.

Sources:

* Rabbi Yehuda Ashkenazi, The B'er Heitev
* Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 224:8


___Shaky Salute___

Z. G. <Email@Withheld> wrote:

Dear Rabbi,

I am female.  When I go to a job interview in a non-Jewish firm and the 
potential employer knows I am Jewish (or even if he doesn't know) am I 
allowed to shake his hand?

************

Dear Z. G.,

	The major contemporary halachic authorities forbid men and women to 
shake hands.  Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, zatzal,  among others, spoke strongly 
about this issue.

	I've been in situations where a woman offers me her hand;  I explain 
that I am not permitted to shake hands with women because of religious 
constraints and I apologize for any embarrassment or discomfort this may 
cause her -- it is nothing personal.  My experience has been that usually 
nobody, neither the woman herself nor the onlookers, feels offended.  They 
may think it's strange -- but when you adhere to halacha, there is no 
chillul Hashem (desecration of G-d's honor).

************

Z. G. replies:

Dear Rabbi,

Thank you for your prompt response. Not shaking hands will very 
likely cost me the position, and I will incur a great loss of livelihood.  
I am not asking you to be lenient with me, I would just like you to suggest 
some possible way that I can prevent a handshake, without having to go into 
a whole lengthy explanation.  In my line of work, employers are looking for 
professional people who are outgoing and have good presentation skills.  
Once I am on the job, I have no problem with explaining to clients that I 
cannot close a deal with a handshake.  However, I find it very difficult to 
do so with a boss (because it may have a negative effect on my overall 
appearance at the interview).  My interview is tomorrow morning, and it 
would be most helpful If you could reply before then.  If not, I may just 
have to wear a sling on my arm!

************

Dear Z. G.,

	Going to the interview with your arm in a sling is not being quite 
honest.  If the job you are interviewing for requires good presentation 
skills, what better way to prove it than by explaining in a perfectly lucid 
way that you cannot shake hands with men?

************

Z.  G. replies:

Dear Rabbi,

My problem was automatically solved!  The interviewer was a woman!  
Just thought that you should know what happened.  Thanks a lot for all the 
help!

___Only Sixteen___

Yakov <Email@Withheld> wrote:

Dear Rabbi

I'm sixteen years old in public high school in New York.  After a 
summer in Israel on a kibbutz, I started to become observant.  I am trying 
to pick up "the basics" of Torah learning but I find in my current setting 
without teachers to guide me I'm not getting very far.  There are a few 
people who are trying to help, but they are so busy that they can not give 
me serious blocks of time.  I can't transfer to a Jewish high school 
because I don't know enough even to get into the lowest class.  I don't 
feel I fit in my present surroundings and I can't fit into the Jewish day 
school system.  Does any alternative program exist for someone who is in-
between like me?  I would be very grateful if you could point me in their 
direction and let me know if there are others in my predicament?  Thank 
you.

************

Dear Yakov,

	I don't know of any such program.  We are publishing your message in 
"Ask the Rabbi."  If anyone knows of such a program, we ask them to please 
contact us.


___Appraising Praise___

Lee Kong Giap from Johor Bahru, Malaysia <kong_giap@yahoo.com> wrote:

Dear Rabbi,

Is the word "hallelujah" constructed by four words or one word?  
Because it is constructed by four words in Chinese, and I hear my teacher 
said "halle" means praise, "lu" means "your," "Jah" means "G-d," and the 
word "Hallelujah" sounds a bit commanding.  It that true?  Does the word 
comes from Hebrew or Greek?  I look forward to your reply.

************

Dear Lee Kong Giap,

	The word hallelujah mentioned in Psalms is the Hebrew word for 
requesting a congregation to join in praise.  "Hallel" means to recite 
praise, "hallelu" is the plural form.  The grammatical extension "yah" is a 
way of expressing magnanimity.  For example "merchav" means space, 
"merchavyah" means a vast space (Psalms 118:5); "shalhevet" means flame, 
"shalhevetyah" means a colossal flame (Song of Songs 8:10).  Hence, 
halleluyah means "a great praise."

	There are other ways of interpreting this word, as the Hebrew 
language does include the possibility for many meanings in the same word; 
thus it can also be understood to mean "praise G-d."

Sources:

* Midrash Talpiyot
* Pesachim 117a

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Yiddle Riddle

Last week we asked : Which verse in the Torah has all the letters of the 
Aleph-Beis?

Answer:  Exodus 16:16. This verse, which contains all the letters of in 
Hebrew alphabet, describes the gathering of the miraculous manna which fell 
in the desert:  "This is the thing that G-d commanded:  Each person should 
gather of it as much as he needs to eat, an omer-measure per person, 
according to the number of people each man has in his tent."  This teaches 
that whoever fulfills the Torah in its entirety -- "from aleph to taf" (the 
first and last letters in the Aleph-Beis) -- will be assured of his 
sustenance by G-d.

* Source:  Ba'al Haturim

===========================================================================

The Public Domain
Comments, quibbles, and reactions 
concerning previous "Ask-the-Rabbi" features

Re:  Hamakom (Ask #219):

	As an interesting sidelight to your excellent explanation as to why 
Hamakom is a reference to Hashem's Name, I heard the following idea:  Take 
each letter of the Shem Havayah (the Tetragrammaton) and square it, thus:
Yud 10x10 = 100; Heh 5x5 = 25; Vav 6x6 = 36; Heh 5x5 = 25  
TOTAL  186 = the gematria (numerical value) of Makom.

* Raphael N. Levi <rnlevi@earthlink.net>

**********

Re: Two Names (Ask #218):

	Regarding Mr. Rosenthal's riddle:  "Name four people in the Book of 
Genesis who have two names," you responded by pointing out two cases he had 
omitted.  I might mention that the names you cited, Ben-oni and Malki-
Tzedek, are fundamentally different from those he mentioned, in that the 
two you mention are always hyphenated in the Chumash, and can thus be 
considered as one word each, so that they do not fulfill the conditions set 
forth.  Whereas each name that Mr. Rosenthal mentioned is found at least 
once as two distinct words.

	Of course, another question arises:  Why was Baal Chanan (Genesis 
36:38) omitted?

* Michael (Menashe) Hamm, NY <msh210@nyu.edu>

[Ohrnet notes that there are no hyphens in the actual Torah scroll.]

**********

Re:  Page Two, Take Two (Ask #219):

	I heard a different reason why there is no "page 1" in the Talmud:  
So that nobody can ever claim that they have mastered the entire masechet, 
from the first page to the last.  That is, there's always more to learn!

* Rachel Fyman, Ottawa, Canada <fyman@magma.ca>


	Other answers I have heard are as to why the Talmud starts on page 
"bet" and not on page "aleph":  Just as the Torah begins with the letter 
"bet" (Bereishet), so the Talmud begins on page "bet."  A reason for both 
is that "alef" stands for the "Aluf" -- The Commander, Hashem, and Hashem 
comes before the Torah and before the Talmud.  Also it teaches us that 
while we may (indeed ought to) study and question, we should know that we 
aren't starting from scratch, rather we are building on what has come 
before.

* Nancy Wells, Baltimore, MD <nwells@objs.com>


	One does not know everything, and even when one has finished 
studying, one must review -- but if it were from the beginning, it would 
make a person feel despondent!

* Andrew <toytenbankes@kosher.com>

**********

Re: Cowboy Riddle:

	Let me thank you for an incredible resource.  Although I wouldn't 
think of myself as ignorant, not a week has gone by since I signed up for 
this weekly email that I haven't learned something.

	And here's a quick Yiddle Riddle:  Many years ago, I was asked at 
cheder why Adon Olam was known as the Cowboy's Prayer.  When I admitted my 
ignorance, I was told that it includes three Cowboys' names:  Billy 
Raishis, Billy Sachlis and Kid Roochee....(You may now groan).

* Lee "Budgie" Barnett <budgie@compuserve.com>


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