Ask The Rabbi 
5 June 1999 
Issue #239
Parshat Shlach (in Israel) / Behaaloscha (outside Israel) 
=========================================================================== 
Researched at Ohr Somayach, Jerusalem 
This Issue Contains: 
1. Judge Knot		4. Cremation
2. Too Far Side		5. Yiddle Riddle
3. Private Nurse	6. Public Domain
4. Butter Fat 
===========================================================================


___Judge Knot___


Jill Schlessinger <jill_s@socrates.berkeley.edu> wrote:

Dear Rabbi,

Is there anything in the Torah (or in other Jewish writings) that addresses 
the issue of interpreting someone else's feelings?  For example:  Something 
bad happens to someone and they are upset about it, and someone else tells 
them they are "over-reacting" and "irrational."  What do Jewish writings 
say about making judgments about the legitimacy of other people's feelings?

************

Dear Jill Schlessinger,

	In "Ethics of the Fathers," Hillel states "Don't judge another until 
you reach his place;" meaning, until you have been in the exact same 
position.  Therefore, you can almost never judge another's feelings.

	Even if one feels sure that the other person is over-reacting, he 
should carefully consider if, how and when to express it.  As Rabbi Shimon 
ben Elazar says, "Don't try to appease your friend at the moment of his 
anger, and don't try to comfort him when his dead lies before him."  Trying 
to cheer someone up at the wrong time, or to tell him he's over-reacting, 
can cause even more pain.

	There are, however, "inappropriate" emotions.  For example, the 
Talmud forbids "crying too much" -- i.e., for too long a time -- at the 
loss of a loved one.  Eventually a person must get over his losses and move 
forward.

	Rabbi Yisrael Salanter is reputed to have said:  "When a child's toy 
breaks, he feels as bad as an adult would feel if his factory were 
destroyed."  In short, people experience losses at different levels, so 
it's nearly impossible to judge others' feelings.

Sources:

* Pirkei Avot 2:5, 4:23
* Mo'ed Katan 27b


___Too Far Side___

Yisroel Rupp <yisroelrupp@hotmail.com> wrote:

Dear Rabbi,

Are comic strips and cartoons depicting G-d as a human (such as The Far 
Side) against Rambam's Third Principle of Faith?

************

Dear Yisroel Rupp,

	Yes, indeed they are.  The third of Rambam's "principles of faith" is 
that G-d is not physical, nor affected by physical phenomena and that there 
is there is no comparison to G-d whatsoever.


___Private Nurse___

Name@Withheld wrote:

Dear Rabbi,

I am a nursing mommy.  Sometimes, my baby will cut short the interval 
between feedings.  Some ladies' rooms tend to be a little too dirty for me 
to sit on the floor and I end up having to duck into the back seat of the 
car.  I feel like I am breaking modesty laws by feeding my baby in the back 
seat of the car.  Could you explain modesty laws and how they relate to 
nursing in public?  Thank you.

************

Dear Name@Withheld,

	If your baby "cuts short the interval between feedings," the solution 
is simple:  Give your baby a Swiss watch and a copy of his feeding 
schedule, and teach him how to tell time.

	Seriously, though, babies don't work their feeding habits around 
their mother's "modesty schedules."  It is perfectly permissible to feed 
your baby in a public place if necessary, but you should do so in a way of 
maximal modesty; e.g., drape a blanket or cloth over your shoulder.


___Butter Fat___

Hazel Moeller from Nelspruit, South Africa <hazel@mweb.co.za> wrote:

Dear Rabbi,

The Bible says that one should not eat animal fat (Leviticus 7:23).  I 
would like to know in which category does butter fall -- an animal fat?  Do 
orthodox Jews use butter, and on which scriptures do they base their 
choice?  Thank you for this service!

************

Dear Hazel Moeller,

	Yes, Torah Jews use butter; and no, butter is not an animal fat, in 
the sense of the verse you refer to.

	Actually, your question is based on a misunderstanding of the word 
"chelev."  The Torah forbids eating "chelev."  Chelev refers only to 
specific fats found in certain places on the animal's body, such as the fat 
on the stomach, kidneys and liver.  Thus, the vast majority the animal's 
fat is permitted.  So, even if butter were considered an "animal fat," it 
would still be permitted, as are most animal fats.  In reality, though, 
butter is considered milk.

	For Biblical indication that butter is permitted, Deuteronomy 
(32:13,14) says:  "[G-d] nurtured them [the Jews]...with butter from cows 
and milk from sheep."  Would G-d give us food that wasn't kosher?

Sources:

* Leviticus 7:23-25
* Leviticus 3:3,4


___Cremation___

Name@Withheld wrote:

Dear Rabbi,

I am a ba'alas teshuva (newly observant).  My parents are close to 90 years 
old, and my mother has directed that her body be cremated.  I have tried to 
bring up this issue with no success.  Do you have any advice for me?  
Perhaps you know of an article I can send them which may be easier than me 
speaking to them about it.  Thank you.

************

Dear Name@Withheld,

	I suggest "The Bridge of Life" by Rabbi Y. M. Tuchichinsky.

	In the right time and place, you might respectfully point out to your 
parents that according to Jewish law, one should not "sit shiva" (observe 
Jewish mourning rites) for someone who was cremated voluntarily, nor is one 
obliged to bury their ashes.  You will not be able to properly mourn for 
her, and no kaddish will be said for her.  This may have an impact.  In 
addition, the body of a voluntarily cremated person is not liable for 
resurrection; this is not so much because of the physical impediment, but 
rather in line with the concept that one who doesn't believe in 
resurrection will not experience it.

	Cremation declares that this world is the beginning and end of Man.  
A basis of Jewish faith is that this is not true.  The body is held on 
deposit, and together with the soul, it really belongs to G-d.  G-d decides 
when and where a person should die, and what should be done with the body 
once it has fulfilled its "this-worldly" purpose.

===========================================================================

Yiddle Riddle

Last week we asked:

	My friend told me the following Yiddle Riddle:  Rabbi Yehuda 
Hachassid writes in his famous will that nowadays a person should not have 
a mechuten (someone whose son married his daughter or visa versa) with the 
same name as he.  What three people in the Chumash had a mechuten who had 
the same name as they?

Answer:

* Adam (See Rashi to Bereishet 4:1 that Cain married his twin sister, thus 
Adam's son Cain married Adam's daughter which made Adam his own 
mechuten).
* Yaakov Avinu (See Rashi to Bereishet 46:10 that Shimon married his 
sister Dina).
* Lemech (See Bereishet 4 that Lemech had a daughter Na'amah, who 
according to the Midrash in Bereishet 23:3 was the wife of Noach, whose 
father was also named Lemech).

===========================================================================

The Public Domain
Comments, quibbles, and reactions 
concerning previous "Ask-the-Rabbi" features

Re: The Mitzvah System (www.ohrnet.org/ask/ask237.htm#Q1):

	Thanks for the wisdom of your article entitled "The Mitzvah System."  
I'm a school teacher and I can use that piece of wisdom when my students 
ask the sort of questions that the answers would only serve to confuse them 
at a point in their studies where a full explanation would be of no 
benefit.  Even for me!  Thank you. Sincerely,

* Phil Ryder <PRyder1043@aol.com>

**********

Re:  Agnostoramous (www.ohrnet.org/ask/ask234.htm#Q2):


	The following anecdote may serve as an interesting sidelight on your 
astute answer to the person who asked about his atheist friend:

	A young man approached Rabbi Yitzchak Elchanan Spektor of Kovno and 
said, "Rabbi, I am an atheist."  Rabbi Spektor answered, "Really, my son?  
How long did you study in yeshiva?  Have you studied the Talmud?"  The 
young man replied, "I did not attend a yeshivah.  I never studied the 
Talmud."  To this Rabbi Spektor replied with a smile, "My son, you are not 
an atheist, you are merely an ignoramus."

* Raphael N. Levi <rnlevi@earthlink.net>

**********

Re: Candle Waving (www.ohrnet.org/ask/ask229.htm#Q4):


	Regarding waving the hands three times when lighting the Shabbat 
candles:  I remember my grandmother from Kovno making three circles over 
the candles before she covered her eyes and davened (prayed).  She told me 
she did this to gather the light.

	She passed away when I was only 12, but I remember she pronounced out 
loud a bracha to the effect of "Baruch ha-Shemay" three times as she made 
the circles.  As I've gotten older I would like to honor her memory and say 
this bracha correctly.  Any help from you or your readers is appreciated.  
Shalom and long life to you.  PS.  I'm curious if any other women remember 
their grandmothers saying anything before the silent prayer.

* Helen Block, San Francisco <HBlock@FM.UCSF.EDU> 

	I actually heard of someone who remembers her grandmother saying "bo-
ee kallah -- come Bride" three times while waving the hands before saying 
the blessing.

* Name@Witheld from Jerusalem

**********

Re: Ask the Rabbi:

	Just a note to say that this feature is fantastic.

* Yosef Pudell, Teaneck, NJ <Gmachine9@aol.com>
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