OHR SOMAYACH'S ASK THE RABBI 
Issue #265, January 29, 2000 
Parshat Yitro
=====================================
In this issue:
LET'S BE FRANK
I DO DECLARE
TRANSFUSION CONFUSION
YIDDLE RIDDLE
PUBLIC DOMAIN
=====================================

LET'S BE FRANK
From:  Name@Withheld

  Dear Rabbi,

  My stepdaughter, a Jewish girl, is marrying a very fine Catholic
  man.  My wife and I are looking for a Rabbi in the (withheld) area
  who will perform the ceremony for them.  The groom wishes the actual
  ceremony to be held jointly with a Catholic priest.  The wedding
  ceremony and the reception are to be held in a hotel so there is no
  "religious property" involved (ie. not in a church).

Dear Name@Withheld,

I can see that you are sincerely concerned with your step daughter's 
best interests, and that you want to do the right thing Jewishly, 
seeing as you want a rabbi to perform the ceremony.

But let me tell you a joke:  It was right before Yom Kippur and the 
Rabbi sees one of his congregants entering a non-kosher restaurant.  
He could not believe his eyes!  As he peers into the window, he sees 
the man talk to a waiter and sit down.  He watches while the man 
orders lobster and pork and eats it with relish.  Unable to contain 
himself, the Rabbi rushes in and confronts his congregant:  "What is 
the meaning of this?"  The man answers, "Rabbi, were you watching the 
whole time I was eating the unkosher food?"  "I saw every bite," says 
the Rabbi.  "Well, then," says the man, "what's the problem?  It was 
under rabbinical supervision!"

While you and I may have differing views regarding intermarriage, I'm 
sure we agree on the basic principles of honesty and integrity.   We 
both agree that it's wrong and dishonest to create and foster false 
impressions.

In your search for a Rabbi for this ceremony, you have no doubt 
discovered that Judaism forbids intermarriage.  Therefore, I feel that 
having a Rabbi at the ceremony fosters the false impression that 
Judaism allows intermarriage.  It's like a type of fraud and a breach 
of common sincerity.  The right thing, the honest thing, is that no 
Rabbi be at the ceremony.

I have no doubt that your stepdaughter has indeed met a very fine man; 
but this does not change the Jewish position on the subject.  This is 
not to say that Judaism in any way deprecates or looks down on non-
Jews, G-d forbid.  Just that G-d has commanded us to be a separate 
people in order to fulfill our role to be a light to the nations.  For 
our essay regarding intermarriage, go to:
http://www.ohrnet.org/ask/ask191.htm#Q1

************

I DO DECLARE

From: Name@Withheld, South Africa

  Dear Rabbi,

  I have read about the results of a process called "Affirmations."
  The technicalities are that you set yourself a goal, and you write
  down that goal 15 times on a piece of paper every day.  For example,
  "I, Joe Smith, will become a famous soccer player."  (Not that I
  really want to, but that's an example of how you'd do it).
  According to the person who told me about it, he has had spectacular
  success with this technique.  And it's not just that it makes you
  more focused -- almost every affirmation he did was realized through
  some strange "co-incidences" ... events that would have been totally
  out of his control just started happening until his previously
  unlikely goal was made a reality.

  He himself is not a religious person, but he acknowledges that it
  may have effects similar to prayer -- for example, he says that
  research shows that sick people who are prayed for are much more
  likely to recover than those who aren't, even if the sick people
  themselves are unaware that others are praying for them...

  So here's my dilemma:  If Hashem created a mechanism such as
  affirmations, is it wrong to use it?  It seems somehow to be
  circumventing the "natural" order of things.  Or maybe it is a
  natural force that just wasn't documented for the last 5760 years?
  I am very confused...part of me says "Go on!" while another part
  says "Wait, this might not be good."  Many thanks for your wonderful
  Ask the Rabbi service.

Dear Name@Withheld,

No problem with affirmations.  Simply using the "natural" power of 
mind over matter.  It may seem supernatural because we usually only 
use a fraction of our brains.

There are two explanations for the "supernatural coincidences" you 
might encounter while using "affirmations."  One is that, with your 
mind focused on the goal, you notice opportunities you would have 
otherwise missed.  (It's like when I bought my first used car, I 
suddenly noticed a lot of cars with "for sale" signs.  "What a 
coincidence," I thought.  "A lot of people are selling their cars just 
now when I happen to want to buy one.")

Another explanation is indeed a "supernatural" one.  As the Talmud 
says "A person is directed (by Heaven) in the way he wishes to go."

The Mishneh Berura says to say "In honor of the Holy Shabbat" every 
time you buy something for Shabbat, since "speech has a powerful 
effect in (matters of ) holiness."

So, pick a  good goal, and then use "affirmations" to achieve it.  And 
remember:  You WILL succeed, you WILL succeed.... 

************

TRANSFUSION CONFUSION
From: Daniel <danielaztil@hotmail.com>

  Dear Rabbi,

  I know that it is strictly forbidden to drink or eat blood, but is
  it permitted to replace by transfusion preciously lost blood in the
  event of an accident?

Dear Daniel,

It is definitely permitted to replace lost blood by transfusion; and 
this does not fall under the prohibition of eating blood.  The Torah 
commands us (Deuteronomy 4:15), "You shall greatly guard your souls." 
Therefore it is a mitzvah and an obligation to replace lost blood.

=====================================

YIDDLE RIDDLE

Last week we asked:  What two Friday nights of the year is there no 
shalom zachor?  (Shalom zachor is the Friday night celebration held in 
honor of the birth of a boy.)

Answer:   Pesach and Yom Kippur.  Yom Kippur is a fast day, and 
therefore all eating and drinking is forbidden.  And on the night of 
Passover, it is forbidden to eat anything after eating the afikomen -- 
the piece of matzah eaten at the end of the Passover seder.  
Therefore, the shalom zachor, which is usually held after the Friday 
evening meal, is not held on these two nights.

=====================================

THE PUBLIC DOMAIN
Comments, quibbles, and reactions 
concerning previous "Ask-the-Rabbi" features

RHODES TO ZIMBABWE

We are a Sephardic congregation, and our forefathers came from the 
Island of Rhodes where they settled after the expulsion from Spain in 
1492.  I saw copies of your publication at the Ohr Somayach Synagogue 
in Gallo Manor, Johannesburg.  Please may we receive Torah Weekly, 
which is very interesting.  We would like to publish extracts of it in 
our newsletter.
                         Benny Leon, Zimbabwe, Africa <vleon@mango.zw>

VIRT-SHUL

I go to your website when I am feeling down, and it cheers me up.  We 
do not belong to a shul, as my husband is not very religious, and I do 
not have anyone else to discuss Jewish issues with.  I have a relative 
who always jokes about what she would do if she won the lottery.  She 
says she would have a live-in cook and a live-in nurse.  I say I would 
want a rabbi on call to answer questions and discuss things with.  
Your service is the next best thing.  Thank you very much for 
providing this service!!
                                                         Name@Withheld

Re:  ADD MUCH?  (http://www.ohr.org.il/ask/ask263.htm#YR):

I asked your recent Yiddle Riddle -- "How can you subtract 30 from 30 
you get 60?" -- to the Youth Minyan in Bnai Torah of Toronto.  I 
received two responses, one the same as your answer and a new one, 
submitted by Moriah Ellen:  Thirty minus thirty equals zero, which is 
written the same as the Hebrew script letter samech; samech has the 
numerical value (gematria) 60.  Quite good!  Keep 'em coming!
                                   David Woolf on behalf of the
                                   Bnai Torah Youth Minyan, Toronto
                                   <wolfman@ican.net>

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