OHR SOMAYACH'S ASK THE RABBI 
Issue #269 February 26, 2000 
Parshat Ki Tisa
=====================================
In this issue:
EN-GRAVED INVITATION
DOCTOR DO LITTLE
"G-D ON MY PALM-PILOT"
YIDDLE RIDDLE
PUBLIC DOMAIN
=====================================

EN-GRAVED INVITATION

Sheldon Mermelstein in Teaneck, NJ <franshel@aol.com> wrote:

  Dear Rabbi,
  Would you discuss the custom of visiting deceased relatives in the
  cemetery before getting married?  Thanks very much.

Dear Sheldon Mermelstein,

There is a widespread custom that one visits deceased parents and 
grandparents before marriage.  The reason is first that they should 
intercede in Heaven for the success of the marriage, and also to "invite" 
them to the wedding.  It is traditionally known that their spirit comes to 
the wedding and partakes of their descendant's joy.

************

DOCTOR DO LITTLE

Tim <timswalz@juno.com> wrote:

  Dear Rabbi,
  In Exodus 15:26 it says "I am the Lord that heals you."  How does this
  relate to us today?  Is this a promise for us to take a hold of?  I have
  some friends who are claiming this promise, and are refusing any kind of
  medical treatment.  Is using a doctor not trusting G-d?  Are we trusting
  man instead?

Dear Tim,
I have a story for you:  A man swept away by a flood sees two guys approach 
in a rowboat.  "Hop in!"  they shout.  "No, thanks," he says, "G-d will 
save me."  Next, a tugboat passes by.  "Climb aboard," calls the captain.  
Again he refuses.  "G-d will save me," he says.  Then the Coast Guard sends 
a helicopter but he refuses to board, giving the same reason.  Finally, he 
drowns.

Up in Heaven, an angel asks why he refused help.  "I wanted to rely on G-d 
alone," he replies.  "Idiot!" says the angel.  "Who do you think sent you 
the rowboat, the tugboat and the helicopter?"
 
G-d acts through the guise of doctors and medicine, just as He acts through 
the guise of employers to provide us with a living.  Would your friends 
refuse to take money from their bosses, saying they'll get it directly from 
G-d?  I think not.  Do they eat food, or do they wait for G-d to 
miraculously inject their bloodstream with nourishing vitamins, minerals, 
fats and carbohydrates?

The Torah (Bible) gives explicit permission to engage in healing:  If one 
person strikes another person, the verse says that the attacker "shall pay 
for his unemployment and for his medical expenses." (Exodus 21:19)

Our task is to exert the effort and then to recognize that ultimately it is 
G-d who heals.  While seeking proper medical attention, a sick person 
simultaneously engages in prayer, good deeds, and introspection.  We don't 
accept prayer as "a last resort" -- it's a "first resort," along with 
medicine and the doctor.

************

"G-D ON MY PALM-PILOT"

Email@Withheld wrote:

  Dear Rabbi,
  Can I have a siddur (prayer book) that's loaded into my Palm Pilot and be
  able to take it into the bathroom without any problems? 

Dear Email@Withheld,

You can take the Palm Pilot into the bathroom, but I would suggest that it 
would be inappropriate to actually have the text displayed on the screen at 
the time.

=====================================

YIDDLE RIDDLE

Last week, Neil Parks, Beachwood, Ohio <nparks@torah.org> wrote:

I recently learned an interesting halacha from Rabbi Ephraim Nisenbaum of 
Cleveland's Jewish Learning Connection.  He suggested it might make a good 
"Yiddle Riddle."  When, regarding the laws of prayer, is it better to 
forget something than to remember it?  Specifically, if you omit an 
addition to the amida for a specific occasion -- an addition which is 
indeed appropriate for that occasion, you have fulfilled your obligation.  
But if you insert that same addition (which, as mentioned, is indeed 
appropriate for that occasion), you have invalidated your shemona esrei 
(silent amida prayer).

Answer:

The ma'ariv amida on Saturday night includes an extra paragraph for havdala 
(the "atah chonantanu" paragraph), but if you omit it, the amida is still 
valid and need not be repeated.  
 
If you oversleep on Shabbat afternoon and miss the time for mincha 
(afternoon service), then you say an extra amida at ma'ariv.  But the first 
amida must be the one for ma'ariv, and the second must be the one to make 
up for mincha.  If you don't say havdala in either the first amida or the 
second amidah, both are valid.  However, if you omit havdala in the first 
amida, and remember to say it in the second one, then the second amida 
becomes the one for ma'ariv, and the first amida becomes invalid 
retroactively.  You now have to say a third one for mincha.

HEY!  SEND YOUR RIDDLES TO INFO@OHR.ORG.IL

=====================================

THE PUBLIC DOMAIN
Comments, quibbles, and reactions 
concerning previous "Ask-the-Rabbi" features

RE: CANOPIES MADE FROM CAN O' PEAS 
(http://www.ohr.org.il/ask/ask267.htm#Q2):

My wife and I made our chuppah (wedding canopy).  It was very simple and 
elegant.  We went to the hardware stores and bought four poles and four 
hooks.  We screwed the hooks into the tops of the poles and then attached a 
large tallit using the existing holes in the corner.  If you do this, make 
sure that the poles are long enough that they can touch the ground while 
people stand under them (seven feet or more).  We thought this much better 
than renting one.
                                Larry Weinberg in Maryville, MO
                                <edlawlarry@geocities.com>


I read with interest the recent issue about couples decorating their own 
chuppah.  The questions took me back to my wedding.  My wife and I asked 
our friends to decorate a one foot square piece of 100% cotton cloth with 
any memories, thoughts, words, pictures, whatever they thought.  My bride-
to-be took the squares to a seamstress who put them all together onto an 
old family heirloom square about eight foot by eight foot.  A grommet for 
each pole was placed on each corner and some additional material placed 
around to drape down.
 
We lost my mother last year, but her chuppah square remains as a lasting 
memory of her.  We have hung our chuppah on our wall so we can see it every 
day.  Someday, perhaps, our children will get married under the family 
chuppah.
                               Marc P. Cardinalli in Las Vegas, Nevada
                                <mcardinal@ccmail.nevada.edu>

               
Ohrnet wrote that "The only real "requirement" is that the chuppah be big 
enough for the bride and groom to stand under and that there be room for 
the bride to circle the groom."  I really don't mean to shock you, but I 
must confess that I am of "pure" German-Jewish descent (a real "yekke" -- 
and proud of it) and it is not our custom for the bride to circle the 
groom.  I want you to know that this is how I was married, the officiating 
rabbi having been Rav Yosef Breuer, zatzal, in the presence of Rav Shulman, 
zatzal (of Slobodka).  The ketubah was read by Rav Shimon Schwab, zatzal.  
I hope that you do not feel that the marriage was not valid!  In many 
respects these customs are still followed, especially here in Washington 
Heights, New York.

                               Raphael N. Levi in Washington Heights, NY
                                <rnlevi@Earthlink.net>

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